One question I’ve been pondering today is that, for me, this emotional connection feels more like a “bond” rather than a single-layered “passion.”
I’m not sure exactly when I first encountered feminist studies. If I had to pinpoint a moment, it might be the 2018 #MeToo movement, which had a profound impact on me (though I didn’t realize it at the time). Then, in 2020, the Bao Yuming incident unfolded. I pored over every accessible report, dozens of academic papers, and hundreds of news articles. Starting from scratch, I learned software design to create an information visualization for child protection, alongside designing related merchandise and a WeChat public account. To this day, I can still recall the visceral nausea I felt upon seeing the word “sexual assault.” Yet I hoped my practical efforts could help more people gain fundamental awareness through this work. I aimed to educate—and indeed, I succeeded.
In 2021, at my undergraduate advisor’s suggestion, I analyzed female characters across 19 films directed by a renowned Taiwanese filmmaker. My goal was to understand how screen representations of women reflect societal realities. Initially, I had intended to study mainland Chinese cinema.
Later, during my graduate studies in 2022, when selecting a thesis advisor, I reached out to only one professor, who eventually became my mentor. I remember expressing my interest in media culture beyond mainstream research topics in my initial outreach email. Starting with my first course paper in 2023, I “unexpectedly” conducted a series of small-scale surveys/studies on feminist discourse on Weibo and feminist NGO organizations.
During this period, many seniors advised me that I was young and cautioned against crossing “red lines,” suggesting I prepare alternative plans. I understood their well-meaning concerns. I briefly considered setting aside feminist research, leading to an extremely conflicted and painful second quarter of 2024. At the time, a seemingly more suitable and urgent topic presented itself, so I chose it as my thesis subject. Concurrently, I applied to volunteer at Shenzhen’s “Green Rose Social Work Service Center,” a nonprofit focused on women and children in urban villages. Fortunately, I was accepted quickly. As a volunteer, I could leverage my skills to select appropriate films for children in these communities. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp why I had set aside my research while engaging in related practical work—perhaps I was subconsciously seeking an outlet.
In February 2025, in the political science department of another country, I found myself discussing my views on the Gender Index Report once more. In October 2025, a friend from the international politics department shared her struggles with me. I said, “Perhaps observing China or East Asian issues from another country or a different place might make it a little easier. Just a bit of detachment.” But how to put it? Relief is fleeting. Once you recognize this pain, it becomes lifelong.“ Now, certain things seem to be stirring again. I told a friend, ”I still want to do feminist work."
This may be an inescapable life experience for me: feeling drawn to something (and actually pursuing it), delving deeply, entertaining thoughts of letting go, then trying to let go, only to pick it up again. So rather than wasting time on inner turmoil, I might as well face it head-on.
#Academic JourneyLast modified on 2025-09-22